Zelgadiss, A Psycho, and A Bath Tub
by Tear
Summary: Is someone stalking Zel? Of course. Is it Xelloss? Most definitely. Fun with bubble baths.


### Zelgadiss, a Psycho, and a Bathtub

* * *

"WHERE'S MY DINNER!!!!?????" Lina shouted at the top her lungs at the trainee waiter, whose neck she currently had her hands wrapped around and had him suspended 2 feet off the ground. 

The trainee waiter managed to choke out, "I-i-t'll be here shortly, miss." She let go of him and huffily sat down, the trainee scampered off to the kitchen whimpering. 

Lina glared in his direction, "Just WHO do I have to fireball to get some service around here?" Amelia and Gourry crawled out from the table they'd been hiding under, Zelgadiss just gave them an annoyed glance from his table on the other side of the inn's restaurant. A few minutes later, 3 waitresses came out of the kitchen piled with food. They set it in front of Lina, Gourry, and Amelia, who all promptly dug in. Zelgadiss decided that they looked like they'd be busy for awhile. 

"I'm going to my room now, enjoy yourselves." He then proceeded to go upstairs to his and Gourry's bedroom. 

* * *

Zelgadiss walked into the inn room's bathroom wearing only his boxers and carrying a towel over his shoulder. The floorboards creaked under his weight and he cast a glare downward. He was extremely annoyed today. _Damn that fruitcake for leading us on another wild-goose chase! And after that horrible day when Lina made us go shopping. _He shuddered at the memory. He felt like ringing the stupid mazoku's neck. But all he really wanted to do now was to take a nice soothing bath. He turned on the bath's faucet and waited for the tub to fill. The hot water caused tendrils of steam to rise and cause a fog inside the room. He peeled off his boxers and kicked them into the corner. Zel picked up his bar of soap (a special strength for keeping that stone skin squeaky clean), and eased into the steaming water. He shut the shower curtain behind him. 

"Ahhhhhhh." He closed his eyes and sunk deeper into the water. What he didn't see was the eye that peered silently through a little whole in the wall... 

* * *

"NO GOURRY! THAT'S MY SAUSAGE!" 

"Actually Miss Lina... I think it was mine." 

"SHUT UP AMELIA!" 

"I really don't think you should eat anymore right now, Lina. Your stomach is huge!" 

"GOURRY! FIREBALL FIREBALL FIREBALL!" 

* * *

Zelgadiss began to scrub at some of the dirt that had collected behind some of the pebbles on his skin. Suddenly the floor began to shake, and he could hear Lina's shouting. He groaned and decided he should probably get out and go find some money to bribe the innkeeper with. He rinsed himself and was just about to get out of the tub when he saw a dark shadow behind the shower curtain. He screamed, covered himself, opened the curtain, then screamed again. 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" He promptly slipped on his soap and fell back into the tub, causing water to splash across the floor. When he reemerged sputtering and spitting out water, he looked up to see a grinning demon in a black granny dress, a gray wig, and a biiiig knife. 

"Gotcha!" Xellos winked at him, then leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek. 

Zelgadiss turned about 30 different shades of rage red, and promptly leaped out of the tub, grabbed the mazoku by his hair and held him under the water left in the bathtub. Xellos phazed out and reappeared behind him. The naked Zelgadiss stood up and growled at the fruitcake. Xellos smirked at him. 

"My my, aren't you a big boy." Zel looked down and gave a little yelp as he jumped back in the large bath tub, causing even more water to slosh onto the floor. He gave a look of death to Xellos as he peered up at the fruit cake from behind a wall of soap suds. 

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" Zel asked him in an enraged hiss. Xellos kept grinning. 

"Ohhh, it's a new hobby of mine. Chimera watching. A little like bird-watching, but a LOT more interesting. Plus, most birds aren't hung like THAT." He winked again, then grabbed Zel, pulled him closer, and kissed him deeply, and as soon as Zelgadiss got over his state of shock, he began to kiss him back. 

* * *

The innkeeper looked around at his demolished restaurant in despair, and then at Lina and glared, "And how exactly will you be paying for this!!?? You've ruined 28 chairs, 7 tables, 9 stools, 30 of our best dishes, and the walls will all have to be repaired." 

Lina looked panicked, then smug, "Ohhh, don't worry about it, our chimeric friend will pay for it all when he comes down tomorrow morning. I think my friends and I have decided that we're gonna camp tonight. Um, bye!" She grabbed Gourry and Amelia and left a cloud of dust as they high tailed it out of the door. 

* * *

However, no one came out of the chimera's room till about noon the next day, when a smug looking Xellos walked out with his arm around the shoulders of a very embarassed looking Zelgadiss. 

To be continued...eventually. 

[.::home::.][1]

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   [1]: http://tears_odyssey_2001.tripod.com/index.html



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